I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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