Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
