So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
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I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
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Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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