it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
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I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
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think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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