Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
