There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
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I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
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I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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