If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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