3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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