I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
