You really coming over, don't trick.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
