dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa