Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem