I hate ducks.
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"