as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
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He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
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I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with