the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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