you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
