omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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