My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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