What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
