i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
