her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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