Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
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i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
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81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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