so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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