If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
