We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit