he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.