I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."