I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
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