why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
