12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
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then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
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we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.