Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
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An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
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Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.