so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!