Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..