Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.