every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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