the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book