I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me