Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
Pick me up at 9.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night