The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.