Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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