we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
