You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize