Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
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Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
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So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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