I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
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Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
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I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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