I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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