I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
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I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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