True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
where does the pee come out of this thing
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize