Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
