Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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