My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
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I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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