the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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