you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
