do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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