its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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