Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Randomize
Follow @tfln