I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
