that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Randomize
