he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize