i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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