I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
