Me too!
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize