I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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